Walking along my road of recovery from sexual trauma
victim of a crime
a sex thief broke into my heart , my soul
and traumatised my body.
it was time to clean out the mess
Survival strategies
I used survival strategies during the sexual trauma
then after it stoped I used survival strategies to get through school
from late teens into ones twenties even thirties the energy of youth tends to get one through
The rites of passage and making ones own decisions is empowering.
there is a freedom from control and restrictions on a child.
this continues until typically mid life the pain exceeds the shame and resolved to deal with "it"
the unknown locked in my memory vault at the end of long dark tunnels guarded by guilt and shame.
Walking my road of recovery
Overcomming Denial
When the first memory surfaced
I prayed for steps of recovery.
The first I felt God challenging me with was "Overcomming denial"
this turned out to be an ongoing process often facing that the unthinkable happened.
The Lord shines His light into my dark places.
I began with narrative therapy and Pastoral care.
Psychologists and sexual assault counsellors briefed me
to regulate the flow of my traumatised memories so I'm not overwhelmed
and to take one step at a time
whilst taking my time
This is called phase 0ne
Other phases
I learnt my body was traumatised,
particularly my muscles.
I learnt "The Body keeps the score"
my body has memories
Trauma Releasing Therapies
I my journey I trusted in God ( Proverbs 3 v 6) to direct me along my path of recovery.
Time and time again before I opened the memory vault He brought me to Psalm 42 teaching me to tell my soul to trust in God.
He prepared me for this journey.
Prayer
Searching the Scriptures
Hymns and Praise
(music as therapy)
trauma informed
physiotherapy / remedial massage
= treating traumatised muscles
EFT ( tapping
Somatic Experiening
Somatic experiencing
Peter Levine's You Tube explanatory Videos
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
After around 25 years recoverying from the sex crimes against me
I have concluded that recovery is neurophysiological. add my applied redemptive theology
I have concluded that two dimensional correlations are inadequate
eg I find I'm in the 20% whoes two variables do not correlate at a certain point due to trauma related variables.
I suggest a Multidimensional Model to be more helpful and relevant.
hand back the guilt
it doesn't belong to you
it belongs to the abuser
Forgiveness
washes away the puss of bitterness ad resentment
but the sword of abuse remains
Removing the sword of abuse
a noble objective
however I'm still not sure what the sword of abuse ( see page link above)
or how it is removed
the surgical removal of a spear may be an anology
where an operation is needed to remove the sword and repair the damage internally.
a mystery
shame removal
Jesus is the great shame remover
When He broke the shame barrier and I resolved to smash it
I became free to tell my story
and document my journey of recovery
and talk freely with therapists.
challenging the scripts
which helped me to survive
but no longer serve any purpose.
Rebuilding the walls of my heart and soul.
The scriptures say
Guard you soul
Guard your heart.
The law of God is the substance which repairs the breach
A Christian returns not to a passive position
but to actively guard our heart and soul.
eg The shield of faith
which may also need repair.
triggers and right brain re experiencing a neurological perspective.
to be written up
basically where the right brain experiences the past csa experience in the present.
Triggers
trigger or set off a past traumatised memory
a sight
sound
smell
touch
or taste
words or phrases
or events parallel to those during csa
can trigger traumatised memories
Obstacles and set backs.
Denial
fatigue
despair
Discreditation
and
fear of discreditation
Abandonment
I experienced aloneness and abandonment during csa
during my locked away memories yet traumatised
and many times during my recovery
including abandonment from some therapists.
Temptation.
sexual trauma
recovery from sexual abuse
does not exempt us from being tempted in ways al humans are tempted.
trauma may increase resistance not wanting to be retraumatised
bondage keepers
some therapies
I was shocked I went to a weekly church prayer meeting only to find some members were unknowingly bondage keepers
Negative Phrases
Forgive and forget.
really?
a memory is a memory of an historical event.
Forgiveness neutralises bitterness and resentment
Some found forgiveness released healing
it is not right to ague from the particular to the general
There were issues I had to face to then name what sin against me I was forgiving.
It's in the past.
In the past but a triggerable memory
In the past but it intrudes into the present
On the other hand reminding myself of what my right brain is experiencing in the present is actually a re experiencing of a past event so this can be reassuring
provided it is acknowledged that it is being experienced in the present because the right brain knows no time
you should be healed by now
some experience rapid healing
complex trauma takes time one step at a time
walking my road to recovery
they'll find something
"Submit to authority"
can be subjecting oneself to spiritual abuse
or abuse of authority
it promotes co-dependency
Contrary to scripture:
"Work out your own salvation"
Ministries were set in Churches by God to build us up in Christ
for good order and corporate government
not to lord it over the members.
to leads is to serve
demands
or expectations
to conform to social norms
which trauma may prevent us from doing
As a Christian I should set out to conform to Christ
we are taught
"do not compare yourselves one to another"
and
"bear one another's burdens"